Thanksgiving is meant to be a warm, family holiday, but this year it feels increasingly like an overwhelming burden I desperately want to avoid. While family should always feel welcome, I must draw a line when someone begins repeatedly taking severe advantage and wrongly calling it love. I once believed saying yes to every single demand automatically made me a good daughter-in-law. My MIL helped us immensely during our hardest days; she financially assisted us with groceries and rent for a long time when my husband lost his job, and I remain genuinely grateful for that vital support. I have never forgotten her generosity during that difficult period.
However, everything tragically changed immediately after my FIL passed away. My MIL began relentlessly coming over to the house all the time, calling us constantly throughout the day, and clearly started expecting difficult favors as if we owed her absolute compliance. At first, I tried to be sympathetic, assuming she was lonely and struggling with her profound grief. Soon, however, it escalated into her heavily relying on us, demanding our attention, and completely overwhelming my family’s life. I tried hard to be patient and understanding, but her lack of respect for my clear boundaries rapidly became unsustainable and utterly exhausting for me to constantly manage and navigate.
The MIL has been talking incessantly about Thanksgiving for weeks now, openly assuming she would be enthusiastically invited, even though I had not yet extended any formal invitation. She kept excitedly saying how thrilled she was and how the gathering would finally feel like a real, big family experience again. I do genuinely understand that holidays are incredibly emotional, especially for her now. However, I desperately need a break from the emotional and financial drain of hosting. Preparing a full holiday meal is both expensive and physically exhausting. The turkey alone is costly, plus all the necessary groceries, the extensive house cleaning, and the endless meal prep are simply too much for me to handle alone.
I realized that if my MIL were not coming, we could simply enjoy a relaxing, quiet family day without any judgment or pressure. Finally, I decided to establish a firm boundary regarding the financial effort required for the meal. So, I calmly and respectfully told her, “It’s $38 per plate.” I calculated this figure and thought it was an entirely fair, reasonable request. If she genuinely wanted to come over and fully participate in the entire holiday dinner family experience, she should willingly pitch in like any other responsible guest. To me, setting this clear boundary felt entirely normal and completely justified, given the immense cost and labor involved in hosting.
My simple, respectful statement immediately provoked a full-blown dramatic response. My MIL looked profoundly hurt and shockingly started crying—not just little tears, but a full, theatrical emotional outburst. I completely froze in place as she then dramatically pulled out a $50 bill, slammed it onto my table, and walked out of the house without saying a single word. I tried calling her multiple times, but she ignored every call, treating the situation like a childish tantrum. Later that turbulent night, she finally answered my husband’s call and informed him that I had deeply humiliated her, stating she felt totally unwanted and needed to be completely alone for a long while.
Now, my husband is utterly furious with me. He angrily declared that he is going to spend Thanksgiving solely with his distraught mother, effectively abandoning me and our kids at home alone. He firmly believes that charging her was cruel, disrespectful, and completely unnecessary given her recent loss. Crucially, he isn’t even willing to listen to my justifications for establishing a boundary. I cannot help but feel that my MIL is actively turning this simple issue into a massive, unwarranted drama just to successfully manipulate the family and make me look like the bad guy. I am left questioning if I should swallow my pride, go to her house, and invite her over, since she technically already paid the fee.
