I started a new job this month after being unemployed for a good while. My finances are very tight because of this, so I was hoping this opportunity would provide me with some relief. But unfortunately, nothing is ever as easy as it seems.
On Friday, I found out that every December, our office organizes a huge Secret Santa exchange, and we were all expected to bring a gift with a value of $100. I approached my boss and told her that I wouldn’t be able to participate this year.
She asked me why, and I told her, “Sorry, I’m not spending money on gifts when I’m struggling to pay rent!” She seemed to understand and went out to tell my coworkers not to include me in the gift exchange. Everyone initially said, “It’s fine! No worries! We’ll catch you next year.”
But when I arrived at the office on Monday, I saw my name crossed out on the team holiday card and someone had written ‘Grinch’ beside it. My coworkers all seem to be upset with me, with some even saying that I ruined the tradition.
Turns out some of my coworkers complained about me not being part of the experience, and my boss ended up telling them why I refused. They feel I could have at least made the effort to get a cheaper gift, and say that would have been more acceptable than not doing anything at all.
But the problem is that I can’t even afford to stock up my pantry because I’m focused on paying my rent. That $100 or even $50 could be better spent on me trying to survive instead of giving a coworker something they’ll probably end up throwing away.
Now I’m at a loss. I don’t want to have a bad reputation within the company. But I also don’t want to throw away money I can use for my survival.
Right now, the issue isn’t really the $100 gift. It’s the fact that I walked into a new workplace with no social standing yet, and my private financial situation got turned into public office gossip without my consent.
The “Grinch” comment shows that people aren’t simply angry because I didn’t spend money. They’re reacting to feeling disrupted in a tradition they see as part of their team identity. That doesn’t make them right, but understanding this emotional dynamic is key.
Instead of trying to fix it with money I don’t have, I need to treat it like a public relations problem. I need a simple, low-cost gesture that reframes me as a teammate, not the person who “opted out and killed the vibe.” A $100 gift isn’t that gesture, but neither is going silent and letting them assume I don’t care.
I need to do something symbolic, cheap, and pointedly collegial. Like bringing in a tray of homemade cookies, or participating in a non-monetary tradition if one exists, and then move on with confidence. I’ll be signaling, “I can’t afford the big thing yet, but I’m here, I contribute, I’m part of the team.” Spending money I don’t have won’t change the reputation issue; demonstrating goodwill in a way I can realistically sustain will.
