My parents divorced when I was in high school, and Dad remarried just two years later. He eloped with a woman we barely knew, and she instantly assumed we’d welcome her as family. But her jealousy toward our mom was obvious—she’d show up to school events dressed like she was attending a gala, making pointed comments about “supporting her kids.” She tried to outshine Mom at every turn, throwing extravagant birthday parties and forcing matching outfits. Her obsession with appearances and rivalry with Mom made it impossible to connect with her genuinely.
She never understood that love isn’t earned through competition. She’d gloat about being married and sharing our last name, as if that made her more legitimate. When my siblings and I bonded with Mom’s partner—who never tried to replace our dad—she grew bitter. Her attempts to mimic our closeness with Mom only pushed us further away. We tolerated her for Dad’s sake, but none of us felt warmth toward her. If we could exclude her without hurting Dad, we would. She never respected our boundaries, and that made her impossible to embrace.
Now that my brother and I are both getting married, we’ve made a clear choice: she’s not invited to any pre-wedding activities. No tastings, no fittings, no planning. Mom is included in everything, and that infuriates Dad’s wife. She confronted us, crying and confused, asking why she was left out. I told her the truth—her petty rivalry with Mom and constant need for validation made her exhausting. She called me cruel, but I stood firm. We’re not interested in managing her feelings anymore, especially not during one of the most important times of our lives.
She claimed she only ever wanted to earn the role of “mom,” but she never understood that forcing it only made things worse. Her fixation on being seen as equal to Mom blinded her to the real issue: respect. She never respected our relationship with our mother, and now she’s reaping the consequences. I told her plainly—if she keeps this up, she won’t be invited to the wedding at all. Even if that means Dad won’t come. This is our moment, and we won’t let her toxic behavior ruin it.
