I’m 65, retired, and absolutely adore my two grandkids—but I’m no longer the energetic woman I once was. Babysitting them brings me joy, but it’s also exhausting. When my son and daughter-in-law asked me to take on more babysitting after their sitter quit, I agreed—but only if they respected my three non-negotiable rules. Rule one: no sugar in my house. Rule two: no sleepovers. Rule three: no surprise drop-offs. They accepted, and I felt hopeful we could make this work without compromising my health or peace of mind.
But last week, my daughter-in-law broke rule three. She showed up unannounced with the kids while I was out with friends. She called, demanding I come home immediately due to a work emergency. I asked about her usual sitter—she hadn’t arranged one. I felt for her, truly, but I stood firm. I couldn’t drop everything and rush back. It would’ve taken me over an hour, and I had made plans for myself. I told her to find another solution, and she wasn’t happy.
That night, my son called. His wife had received a written warning at work for missing the emergency. I apologized, but reminded him that I need boundaries too. My life doesn’t revolve around their children. I love them deeply, but I’m not a backup plan. Since then, I haven’t heard from either of them. It hurts, but I wonder—was I wrong to stand my ground? Should I have bent the rules just this once?
I’m still wrestling with that question. I set those rules to protect my health and sanity, not to punish anyone. Maybe I could add an “emergency exception,” but I need them to understand that babysitting is a gift, not a given. I want to be present for my grandkids—but not at the cost of my own well-being. I hope they’ll see that, and we can find a way forward together.
