I’m honestly still shaking a bit just typing this all out, but I desperately need some outside perspective because my brain simply can’t process this ongoing situation anymore. Here is the background, in brief: my ex-husband cheated on me for four years. Four years of knowing betrayal while I was building a life with him and raising our family. We have three children together, and when I finally discovered the truth, I divorced him, obviously.
He went straight to marrying the woman he had been cheating with—let’s call her Jane. They tried, with unbelievable gall, to fight me for full custody of our kids, but thankfully, they lost. Cool, fine. I thought, finally, life goes on. I thought I had weathered the worst of it.
Well, last week, he called me out of nowhere, and I swear I could feel my blood pressure spike the second I saw his name on the screen. He wasted no time. He was like, “Can you help Jane bond with the kids? She’s infertile, and she really needs this.”
I didn’t wait for another word. I literally laughed out loud, a harsh, shocked sound, and I hung up the phone immediately. I probably shouldn’t have done that, but honestly, it felt so ridiculous, so entitled, that hearing it made me feel sick.
I was still reeling from the audacity of his request when my eldest son dropped the real bombshell on me. He mentioned that Jane had been showing up at their school a few times recently. Not just showing up, but actively trying to pick them up or take them out to lunch during the day. Every single time, my children refused, thank goodness. They knew better, even if I hadn’t spelled out the dangers.
I called my ex back, completely furious. He admitted immediately that it was Jane pushing this. She was trying to “bond” with the kids and get closer to them. I lost it on the phone. I told them both, very clearly, to leave us alone. I made it extremely plain that her emotional state and personal issues regarding fertility were not my problem, and they certainly were not my children’s responsibility.
Now? Now he’s blowing up my phone. I’m receiving texts calling me cruel, calling me harsh, and telling me I’m being “mean to Jane.” I just, I genuinely don’t get it. How can I be the cruel one? This is the same woman who knowingly helped ruin my marriage, who tore our family apart piece by piece over four long years.
And now she thinks she can just start inserting herself into my kids’ lives, demanding a bond, acting like nothing happened? Am I completely overreacting here? Or is this as insane as it feels?
I realized quickly that losing my mind wouldn’t help me or the children. I had to focus. I decided to make my own rules, strong ones, based only on what my children needed.
I decided that the kids’ comfort and emotional well-being must remain the most important thing—more than Jane’s feelings, more than my ex’s fragile ego, and more than societal pressure to be the “bigger person.” I asked my children how they felt about Jane’s persistent attempts, I listened to them, and I promised them that their choices about who they spent time with would be respected. This immediate validation, I realized, was huge for their sense of security.
I also learned to trust my instincts. I have been burned, and I know Jane and my ex do not have my kids’ best interests at heart; they have their best interests at heart. It is okay for me to be firm, even harsh, if necessary, to protect my family. Clarity is far more important than being “nice” to adults who have already shown me their absolute worst sides.
The most vital step I took was building boundaries. Boundaries are my superpower now. I don’t owe my ex or Jane any access beyond what is legally agreed upon in the custody arrangement. This is not about being mean; it is about protecting my kids and my peace. I wrote down exactly what is okay and what is off-limits, then I committed to sticking to it like glue. No explanations, no debates, and absolutely no compromise. Consistency beats arguing every single time, and it’s the only way I can regain control and peace of mind. By staying grounded and focusing on my children, I know I will move forward stronger and more confident.
