My name is Valerie, and until last year, I thought the hardest part of selling our dream home was saying goodbye. Turns out, the real challenge was dealing with buyers who believed a purchase agreement came with a personal servant.
Jonathan and I had spent three years perfecting our smart home in Willowbrook Heights. Every corner gleamed, every system ran flawlessly, and our two pampered dogs, Muffin and Biscuit, lived like royalty. Weekly grooming, organic food, plush beds—this wasn’t just a house, it was their palace.
When Jonathan’s job transfer forced us to downsize, we treated the sale like a sacred ritual. Professional deep cleaning, carpet steaming, duct sanitization—the works. On our final walkthrough, I told Jonathan, “This place smells like a spa.” We laughed, handed over the keys, and drove away proud.
Three weeks later, a letter arrived. Written in loopy handwriting, it accused our “stinky dogs” of ruining the carpets. Mrs. Campbell claimed she couldn’t meditate without nausea, demanded $10,000 for replacements, and signed off with “Namaste.” Her husband added that the smell disrupted his hot yoga recovery.
Jonathan nearly exploded. “Ten thousand dollars? For dog smell that doesn’t exist?” Our realtor Jennifer confirmed the house had smelled of “success and lemon Pledge.” She laughed, “They’re trying to shake you down. You don’t owe them a penny.”
But Jonathan had another idea. We’d never disconnected from the smart home app. That night, he began his digital revenge. At 2 a.m., he raised the thermostat three degrees. The next night, he dropped it to arctic levels. Soon, the Campbells were calling daily, shrieking about scorching nights and freezing mornings.
Mrs. Campbell wailed, “The thermostat is possessed! My chakras are misaligned! I think I’m developing yoga PTSD!” Jonathan grinned, orchestrating heat waves at midnight, polar vortexes at dawn, and tropical saunas during meditation.
Word spread: the Campbells hired three HVAC technicians, none could fix it. Mrs. Campbell told her yoga instructor the house was cursed by “dog spirits.” She burned sage in every room, while her husband slept in the garage to protect his “masculine energy flow.”
Three weeks later, they finally reset the system, ending our reign of thermal terror. But Mrs. Campbell still asked Jennifer for “pet haunting specialists” and “masculine energy restoration experts.”
Months later, I ran into her at the grocery store. Frazzled, clutching sage bundles, she muttered, “Sometimes I swear I can still feel… presence.” I smiled, “Maybe next time you’ll think twice before demanding $10K for imaginary dog smells.”
Back home, Muffin and Biscuit wagged their tails, blissfully unaware they’d become legendary ghost dogs. Jonathan raised his coffee mug: “Here’s to Muffin, Biscuit, and the sweetest revenge technology ever served.”
Sometimes karma needs a little help—and in our case, it came in the form of a thermostat app and a husband with a wicked sense of justice.
