I’m honestly a mess right now. I have a 17-year-old son, Tyler. His dad and I had a short relationship when I was 19. When I told the guy I was pregnant, he flipped out. First, he tried to gaslight me into getting rid of the baby, and when I refused, he dipped. Blocked me everywhere, changed his number, and moved out of town. I was on my own from day one.
I never told Tyler the full story. I didn’t want him to grow up thinking he was unwanted, so I made something up. I told him his dad had died in an accident before he was born. I know now that it was dumb.
Over the years, he asked questions like, “What was my dad like?” or “Was he happy to know that I’ll be born soon?” I always gave vague answers. He never pressed too hard until recently. A week ago, he came home from school and told me that someone who named himself his dad contacted him on Facebook and said he wanted to talk and meet. I checked the profile, and that was him. I panicked. I admitted everything. Told him I lied because I didn’t want him to feel worthless. That his dad knew he existed and chose to leave anyway.
Tyler just stared at me like I was a stranger for some seconds, then he went to his room and slammed the door. I figured he needed time. But the next morning, his bed was empty. He left a note that just said: “Mom, you’ll never hear of me again if you try to find me. I need to understand this on my own.”
It’s been four days. His friends haven’t heard from him. I’m sick with worry and guilt. I thought I was protecting him from something no kid deserves to hear. What do I do now?
The wait is awful, but you’ll need to sit in it for now.
We know. It’s the worst feeling. He’s almost an adult, trying to process a truth you were trying to shield him from his whole life. That takes time. For now, the most powerful thing you can do is stay open, patient, and emotionally available—even from afar.
In the meantime, here are some words from others on our team who’ve been in similar spots—some as parents, some as kids who learned hard truths later in life:
- My dad never wanted me either. When I found out, it felt like someone knocked the air out of me. I didn’t blame my mom for lying, I just wish she’d told me sooner. — Adam
- I was in therapy when I first learned the truth about my biological father. I couldn’t believe my mom hid it for so long. But once I got past the anger, I understood why she did it. Give him time. — Rachel
- Finding out my father knew about me and still chose not to be involved messed with my head for years. But I never stopped needing my mom. — Nessa
- He’s grieving the dad he imagined, not the man he never met. Let him go through that process. The version of his dad he had in his head just crumbled. — Drew
