After a bitter divorce, I (38M) share custody of my 14-year-old daughter, Lily, with my ex-wife, Amanda. Our parenting styles couldn’t be more different—Amanda is rigid, controlling, and obsessed with appearances, while I prioritize Lily’s emotional well-being and autonomy.
Recently, Amanda demanded I enforce a new set of rules during my custody time: no phone after 8 p.m., mandatory study blocks, and no social media. She claimed Lily’s grades were slipping and blamed my “lax” parenting. I refused. Not because I don’t care about Lily’s academics—I do—but because Amanda’s rules are more about control than support.
Lily confided in me that Amanda monitors her phone, reads her messages, and even tracks her location obsessively. She feels suffocated. I told Amanda I wouldn’t comply with her rules in my home. She exploded, accusing me of undermining her authority and “poisoning” Lily against her.
Then came the escalation: Amanda filed a complaint with the family court, claiming I was “neglecting” Lily’s education and encouraging “defiance.” The court ordered mediation. During the session, Lily spoke up. Calmly, clearly, she said she felt safe and respected with me, and that Amanda’s rules made her anxious and depressed.
Amanda stormed out.
Now, Amanda is threatening to seek full custody. She’s weaponizing Lily’s mental health against me, twisting the narrative to paint herself as the “concerned parent.” I’m documenting everything, but the emotional toll is immense.
I love my daughter. I want her to thrive. But I won’t turn my home into a surveillance zone just to appease Amanda’s insecurities. So, AITA for refusing to comply with my ex-wife’s parenting demands?
