My ex-wife and I share a son, and we’ve worked hard to maintain a civil co-parenting relationship. But recently, she asked me something that caught me completely off guard—she wanted me to babysit her toddler from her new marriage in case of an emergency. I was stunned. I’ve always been there for our son, but I don’t have any relationship with her new child. I’m not his father, and I’ve never been asked to be. It felt like she was crossing a line, expecting me to step in as a backup parent for a child that isn’t mine.
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it. She said I was being cold and selfish, that it was just for emergencies. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was more about convenience than necessity. I’ve always been reliable when it comes to our son, but I didn’t sign up to be a caretaker for her new family. It’s not about the child—it’s about boundaries. I don’t want to blur the lines between being a good father and being taken advantage of. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder: was I being unreasonable?
My friends were split. Some said I should help for the sake of the child, that it’s just what decent people do. Others said I was right to draw the line. I kept thinking about how I’d feel if the roles were reversed. Would she ever watch my child with a new partner? I doubted it. And that’s when I realized this wasn’t about fairness—it was about expectations. She expected me to say yes because I always have. But this time, I needed to say no.
I posted on Reddit to get some outside perspective, and the response was overwhelming. Most people supported me. They said I wasn’t wrong to set boundaries, especially given the history—she cheated on me with this man, and now they have a child together. That betrayal still stings. I’ve moved on, but I haven’t forgotten. Being civil doesn’t mean being a doormat. I’m not obligated to care for a child just because I share a past with his mother. That’s not how parenting—or respect—works.
After reading the responses, I felt validated. I reached out to my ex and told her clearly: I’ll always be there for our son, but I’m not responsible for her new family. She didn’t take it well, but I stood firm. I wasn’t cruel—I was honest. I’m not trying to punish her or her child. I’m just protecting my peace and my role as a father. That’s where my responsibility begins and ends. Anything more is a favor, not a duty.
So yes, I refused to babysit my ex-wife’s child with her new husband. And no, I don’t feel guilty. I’m a father to my son—not a stand-in for someone else’s dad. Setting boundaries doesn’t make me heartless. It makes me human.
