I’m a 37-year-old man engaged to a 35-year-old woman, and after years together, I recently told her why I don’t think we’re compatible anymore. This isn’t easy for me to say because I still care deeply, but I feel like honesty is necessary now.
Over time, my fiancé has gained a significant amount of weight—more than double her starting weight—and it’s changed how I see her and us. Early on, I thought it was just a phase, maybe stress or health issues. We even saw a doctor who cleared any medical causes, pointing instead to her lifestyle choices—overeating, frequent fast food, and no exercise. This contrasted with how I live: I’m careful about what I eat and try to stay active.
The real problem is not just her physical change but how she responds to it. She brushes off concerns, refuses to acknowledge the impact on her health and our relationship, and sometimes mocks my own health habits. I’ve tried to support her gently, but it feels like she’s not willing to change or even admit there’s an issue. This created distance between us.
When I finally told her how I felt—that I’m struggling with attraction and worried about our future together—she accused me of being unsupportive and cruel. She twisted my words, making me sound like the villain in this story. It hurt deeply because my intention was never to hurt, only to be honest about a reality that’s been tearing us apart quietly.
Now, I’m left wondering if we can fix this or if the love we have is no longer enough. I fear that continuing this way is unfair to both of us. I want her to be happy and healthy, but I can’t pretend everything is fine when it’s not. It’s devastating to admit that someone you love may no longer be your partner in the way you hoped.
I’m sharing this to ask the community: Am I wrong for being honest about my feelings? Should I have kept silent, forcing myself to ignore a growing problem? Or is it better to face the hard truths, even if it means risking everything?
